


Needy

by Bright_Moon_Beam



Series: Felt like Home [4]
Category: The Dolan Twins, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Meltdown, Rain, Sad with a Happy Ending, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 01:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21205778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bright_Moon_Beam/pseuds/Bright_Moon_Beam
Summary: Ethan hated himself for being so needy, but he could handle it on his own as long as it was just him thinking it. His insecurities take on a whole new life though when Grayson teases him about the sore subject, and he doesn't handle it well... not at all.





	Needy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Laurie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurie/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).

> I'm sorry this took me so long :( This is a mix of two similar requests and I hope it is what everyone wanted! Thank you guys again for the requests <3 
> 
> Also this is based off a real tweet I saw on my TL. No hate to the person who posted it or Emma. I have no idea what actually happened between them so I was purposely vague, but I love her I don't want this to come off in a bad way. Whatever happened is their business

Ethan chewed on his bottom lip anxiously as he stared at the screen of his phone. He had twitter pulled up, he had been going through some tags and liking some fanart and merch photos. The sweet things their fans tagged him in never failed to make him happy and every now and then it was a real mood boost. He intended on staying on the side of twitter fulll of happy fangirls who were all best friends who funny memes of him making stupid faces, but of course twitter always inevitably took a turn for the worst..

He didn’t blame the person who made the tweet. He had a hard time blaming a fan for anything, but it was blowing up. It detailed the last time he and Grayson had liked Emma’s instagram posts and the last time Emma had liked theirs. It was trivial, like high school all over again. Every little thing didn’t need to be scrutinized so intently because sometimes there was no deeper meaning. Everything going on with them was there own private business and it definitely wasn’t a scandal waiting to happen.

Yet, that really isn’t what bothered him, it was a reply that caught his attention. It was about how he had liked Emma’s post last. How he was the one hanging on. It made his stomach churn uncomfortably.. 

He was clingy. Too dependent. Didn’t know when to quit. Couldn’t see when he wasn’t wanted. 

Emma wasn’t really the one on his mind anymore or the commenter for that matter. It was just him and his mind and all the comments he had been barraged with ever since he was younger. Without Grayson he struggled to socialize. He liked his alone time when it was just him and Gray, but when they were out in the world, if Grayson wasn’t by his side he didn’t feel like he could do it. It was a struggle. He felt embarrassed and clumsy and stupid. When they were together he could do all the talking. He could tease Grayson and make people laugh. He could even branch off and have his own conversations as long as Grayson wasn’t more than a few feet away.

A lot of people got that though. Sure it was a little strange, but when he explained it people got what he meant at least. Grayson was his twin. His other half. They both got separation anxiety if they were apart for more than a few hours so it wasn’t as if he was alone in his struggles even if it felt that way sometimes.

What they didn’t get was his attachment issues with everyone else.

He was a total momma’s boy. Leaving her back in New Jersey when they moved to LA tore a big hole in his heart. While Gray missed her too, Ethan found he was the one who always had to call her more frequently. He was always the one to text her randomly at night just to hear from her, and when she came to visit he was glued to her side. 

He also got too attached to friends. When they were younger they had only had a few. They were each other's only friends for a long time, so when they found other people who liked sports and making goofy videos it felt good. It couldn’t last forever though. They grew apart, disagreements were had and the only one who seemed torn up about the separation was Ethan. He and Gray never talked about it, but he knew his brother knew. They closed themselves off from every bad friendship to protect themselves and their reputation, but while Grayson seemed to get over it like any normal human would Ethan continued to miss them as if they had been his best friends for all his life.

He didn’t even want to get started on girlfriends. He hadn’t had a long term relationship since their channel had grown exponentially because their lives were much too busy to even attempt that, but when they were younger he had a few girlfriends. He had been sweet and doting albeit a bit dorky. He was timid and forgiving and ultimately understanding, yet he was always the one to get broken up with. He was always the one left confused as to what he did wrong, trying to cling on when they were young and dumb and never meant to be together anyway.

Over the years, he had been trying to get better. He was trying to drop his baggage and let the memories of past friends be happy memories and not sad recollections of things he had lost that were impossible to get back. He thought he had been doing better, but if people were still pointing it out, how could he have improved? If his neediness was so obvious that even his fans were making fun of him, than how was he supposed to congratulate himself for his improvement?

He closed twitter with a grunt before dropping his phone on the bed and meandering over to his computer. He needed a few hours of mindless video game violence to wipe away all the self-deprecating thoughts he had dredged up from the recesses of his mind.

Ethan thought he had it under control after that. He hadn’t told Grayson about it because it seemed so stupid. They had been getting hate since the very beginning and neither of them had really let it get to them before. They knew the comments weren’t true about the other, so they could be assured there was no legitimacy in it for themselves. It also wasn’t really hate. A shameless observation that Ethan had taken to a whole new level because of his own insecurities. It was a total little bitch move and Ethan really didn’t need to run to his little brother for it. So he worked through it on his own and pretended it didn’t ruin his whole night.

Of course the world wasn't going to let him just sweep it under the rug. 

Around a week after Ethan first read the comment, he and Grayson went out with a few of their friends for dinner. A majority of their friends were people on their team, so it was supposed to be a business meeting of sorts to discuss a project they were filming. That fell apart pretty quickly and they had all started joking around though.

It started off innocent enough. They were scrolling through comments for feedback and they stumbled upon a relatively popular one analyzing how much they touch each other. He and Grayson had always been touchy ever since they were little, it was really nothing weird, but when people pointed out the specifics it made Ethan cringe. 

Him trying to touch Grayson through the entirety of their nose surgery video and his sweet brotherly words had really got the people going and it wasn’t even like he played it up for the reaction. He was completely looped out and he really just wanted to make Gray feel better in his own dopey drugged up way. 

“Geez Ethan, you are really going to give the grethan girls a freaking heart attack if you keep acting like this,” One of their friends kyle said with a laugh, continuing to scroll through the endless replies. 

“Hey, we both fuel the fire,” Ethan defended. He was laughing, but ever since they had stopped on the comment he had started to sweat.

“Dude, you are always way more clingy than I am,” Graysons interjected, elbowing Ethan in the ribs. Ethan turned to him giving him a pointed look. He really didn’t want to joke about this right now and he was hoping to communicate that to his twin without having to come out and say it.

“That’s bullshit, you are definitely more touchy than I am.” 

“E listen, I may be outwardly more affectionate, but deep down you are definitely more clingy the video just proves it. You want me to come back as soon as they wheel me out. You are better at hiding it but you are way more needy.”

“Awe Ethan, it’s okay. Everyone thinks it is cute that you are clingy.” Another one of their crew members teased from across the table. Without even realizing it, Ethan had started to tap his foot under the table, his nervous energy starting to manifest itself physically.

“You guys don’t even know half of it. When he was younger he was way worse,” Gray looked away from Ethan, a mischievous glint in his eyes.Ethan’s heart sunk into his stomach, his fists clenched in his lap. 

“Can’t we just move on to another comment. One that is actual constructive of helpful,” Ethan asked, rolling his eyes. He was trying his best to play it off like it was nothing, but he knew it was only going to get worse, and he didn’t want to hear it. Especially not from Grayson.

“Like what?” Kyle asked Grayson, completely ignoring Ethan’s escape attempt, leaning in closer as Grayson wheezed out a laugh. 

“One time when we were little and we went to our friend Mike’s house-”

“Gray!” Ethan hissed his, eyes wide. He had one of the worst nights of his young life at that stupid sleepover and Grayson knew it. “Seriously man. Knock it off.” There was a real warning in his voice now and Grayson frowned, obviously not amused by his mood. 

“Way to be a buzzkill, E. It isn’t even that bad. Just so typically you,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ethan grumbled, scooting away from Grayson when he tried to wrap his arm around his shoulders.

“That you are a sensitive, clingy, little bitch,” Grayson grinned at him as the other’s snickered, and Ethan fought the sick feeling washing over him. 

“I’m not,” He snapped back, even though he himself was far from convinced. 

“And it’s not even just with me, is it E? You are clingy with mom, all of our friends. Poor little, E. He never likes to be by himself.” Grayson was on some kind of power trip and Ethan would normally stick it right back to him, but this topic wasn’t something he could argue with. 

“Shut up,” 

“How many times did you call mom last week? Do you want to tell the guys or should I?”

“Grayson, shut up,”

“Or should I tell them about how you flipped when you woke up the other day and I was at the grocery store?”

“Gray,” 

“I still wish you would let me tell the story from when we were little. Dad laughed so hard when we came home and you-”

Ethan stood abruptly, the entire table wobbling at the force of it. 

“You can tell them whatever the fuck you want to, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you make fun of me.”

The table was silent as he stood and marched out of the restaurant. 

As soon as he pushed open the door he was bombarded by the cold and wet that was the outdoors. On the drive over the sky was dark and brooding, but he hadn’t heard it starts to rain, the sound inaudible over the mood music and the conversations of the other people around them. 

As depressing as it looked in the drenched parking lot, Ethan found he didn’t mind. He had gotten so worked up that he was close to making himself sick and the cool rain was an instant cool down. It also hid the tears that had started to flow down his cheeks, the wetness having started to well up there as soon as he had his back turned to their table.

He sniffled quietly as he strode down the pavement towards their car. He knew they were all in there talking about his meltdown, and he was beyond embarrassed. He knew he was being overly sensitive, but the topic was especially sore lately and he couldn’t help himself. Eventually he would have to go and apologize to them all, but for now he just wanted to wallow in self pity in the car until they finished up inside. 

He reached into his pocket as he approached the driver’s side to unlock the door, shaking his hair like a wet dog to try and minimize how much water dripped on the seat, but his hand met nothing but his wallet and the material of his jeans.

“Damnit!” He cursed, kicking the tire before hiding his face in his hands, leaning against the cool wet car. He had driven over, but he had thrown the keys at Grayson for being an ass when they were walking in. He had watched his brother pocket them without a second thought. They always went everywhere together anyway so it didn’t matter who had the keys.

Ethan couldn’t help that he started to cry harder, the rain water soaking through the material of his shirt, slicking it to his back. The original cooling chill was now becoming enough to make him shiver, and there was no way he could walk back in there to get the keys. Not after that. 

“Were you looking for these?” Grayson’s voice cut through his wallowing like a bullet and Ethan tensed. He could hear the keys jingling in his brother’s hand, but he didn’t dare look. He was too ashamed.

The car beeped as Grayson used the car starter to unlock the doors, but Ethan didn’t move until Grayson moved beside him and pulled open the door, grabbing Ethan’s shoulder gently to pull him towards it. Ethan didn’t fight it, sliding in to the seat and shutting the door. His entire body quaked with the force of his shivers, and he hugged himself tight to remain still as he watched Grayson jog around the car and slip into the other side.

His brother didn’t say anything at first, just lowering his hood and fiddling with the knobs to make the heat blast. Meanwhile, Ethan dripped miserably on their upholstery, trying to stop the silent tears still sliding down his cheeks to no avail. 

They both sat, their gazes trained on their laps before Grayson worked up the nerve to speak.

“Are you going to tell me what that was in there or are you going to leave me in the dark because I feel so confused.”

Ethan shrugged and sniffled pathetically, unable to not notice how Grayson tensed in his peripheral. 

“E…” Grayson hesitated for a moment, but after a small internal struggle, he leaned in to pull Ethan into a tight hug, tucking his brother’s head under his chin. Ethan once again didn’t fight it, starting to cry harder as he snaked his arms back around Gray. They were never good at crying in front of each other. They hated to show that weakness to one another, but lately so many things had been piling on them both and they were slowly breaking down. 

“It’s so fucking stupid, Gray. I’m acting like such an idiot, but I can’t control it,” Ethan sobbed into Grayson’s neck as his brother rubbed little patterns on his back.

“It’s not stupid if it has you this upset, Ethan. Just talk to me… please,” Grayson pleaded.

“There was just this comment,” Ethan began, pulling back so he could look into his brother’s eyes. “It was about Emma and how I’m the one who can’t let go when everyone else can, and I know that no one else knows what happened but us, but that got me thinking about how I act in general. How needy I am and then when we were talking in there it was like… like it wasn’t all in my head. Like I’m pathetic and unwanted and like you really thought that.” 

Ethan heaved out a huge breath after his little speech, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand quickly, the tears finally beginning to slow. He was interrupted when Grayson suddenly grabbed his shoulders though, making him look back into his eyes. 

“Ethan, I could never think something that horrible about you,” His eyes were wide and sorrowful as he spoke, his guilt obvious. “E, you are the most caring person I know. You are so fucking genuine with people and make solid connections and I admire you for it. I wish I could be more like you. I… I feel like I’m the one with a problem. I’m so afraid to get hurt again that I don’t let myself get close and then I miss out. I wish I could feel for people the way you do.” 

Ethan stared shocked for a moment before reaching out to cup his brother’s cheek.

“It’s hard to let go of pain like that, Gray. I know when you love, you love with your whole heart and that is all that matters.” Grayson nodded before pulling Ethan into another bear hug.

After their little heart to heart Ethan felt a lot better. As long as Grayson didn’t think he was too needy everything would be okay. He did get sick after standing in the rain, but at least when he was sick he had an excuse for being needy.

**Author's Note:**

> I finally am pulling up with another part! Also I keep torturing Ethan oops. Don't worry the next one will definitely feature a suffering Gray ;)
> 
> ALSO I promise everyone who sent in a request that I will eventually get them done. I apologize for taking so long to update and I will try and be better <3
> 
> And feel free to keep commenting anymore ideas you guys have! I love hearing them and I promise I will write them eventually.


End file.
